 et
ready! She's coming
to a home near you!
And she won't be wearing a red-white-and-blue
teddy with a golden lasso
as an accessory at the
ready! Well, maybe south
of the Arctic Circle!
No, more likely she'll be sporting
cold-weather gear, waterproof
Bibles and, of course, an adjustable
set of morals unheard
of since Mengele ticked
off twins for experimentation
at Nazi era concentration camps!
 ho
is this mystery woman?
And how could she have the nation
absolutely falling over her
as though she had the intellect
of an Einstein and the
beauty of ... er ...
an Einstein? She must
be magical, mystical
and, naturally, upstanding,
decent, resourceful,
kind, considerate,
nurturing and ever
vigilant of human rights
and dignities as nobly
protected by the United
State Constitution!
 o,
no, nothing like that!
It's merely Sarah Palin,
that madcap governor of Alaska,
who floated to her unlikely
position after being a public
official in a huge metropolis
of... uh...roughly 9,000 souls!
Without a doubt, this is a truly
fascinating adventure that is
uniquely American, wherein
a less-than-average small-minded
absentee mom whose hypocritical
standards are smugly
insulated from consideration
by her personal invocation of
privacy rights that are apparently
not granted to her own fellow
citizens, as if that mattered
since she wanted Alaska
to secede from the United
States anyways, can rise, or
sink, as the case may
be, to the level of Republican
nominee for Vice-President!
 ell
us this is just a dream,
or, rather, a nightmare,
Mr. Sandman! Can it be that a
feeble-minded fool whose
greatest world experience,
to date, seems to be
giving birth to damaged
children, and who hails
from the frozen tundras
of Alaska, a state
that boasts a total population
significantly less than that of
certain suburbs of Los Angeles, could
become the President of the United
States, given the unfortunate
situation that a commander-in-chief
John McCain, grudgingly freed forever
from his campaign developed habit
of checking out his
Vice President's butt during
public appearances, drifts into
a deeper death than the
one in which he currently
resides?
 f
course, we at dirtcentral
are resigned to the likelihood
that this horror fantasy
may, in fact, become reality.
After all, Ronald Reagan
and George W. Bush were
two-term presidents!
One still wonders why, with such American
wisdom flowing like juices
from a certain elderly Republican
presidential nominee during his
likely frequent toilet visits,
My Mother the Car only lasted
a single season! Lucky
us, though! My Mother the
Alaskan Who Preaches Abstinence But Still
Has a Slut Daughter With a Bastard Child
could last as long as
the farces that were
the administrations of
Ronnie Reagan and Baby
Bush!
 o,
mindful of the levels to
which a President Palin, armed
with the creationist knowledge
that six thousand years
of the universe's existence
can provide, fully
prepared to pressure
public servants to do her rotten
personal biddings or lose
their jobs, and with the
determination to protect
the sacred institution
of marriage, an
understanding for which her
own family seems to sorely lack, will
inexorably lead this
great nation, we grant to the
children of America and their
pitiable adult compatriots who
might actually have to live under
the rule of this nothing
less than wicked bitch, the very
first edition of a great tome,
entitled...
John
Be Nimble, Grandma's First Nursery
Rightism
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