Dr. Croak's
Drops o' Hemlock
Valentine Treats
Dr. Croak spent years developing
these delicious and deadly delectables, and it shows. A fast-acting poison
sends your unsuspecting Valentine into the next life quickly, then rapidly
changes state, becoming inert, leaving the police with only a mouthful
of half-eaten chocolate as evidence. Meanwhile, you're halfway to Rio with
your younger, more attractive, richer flame.
BOX of 20
$14.99
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The Breakemup Factory's
One Night Stand
Night Stand Memento Book
Those old skanks and coyote-ugly
one-nighters won't go away when you give your beloved the One Night Stand
night stand book. Once filled with lurid Polaroid snapshots of those desperate-moment
partners, this shameful chronology of your perverted escapades will burn
in your darling's mind like a hot fireplace poker on bare buttocks. Even
more fun with you in the pics!
COMPLETE
$33.99
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Phu-Yee of China's
Stink Bomb
Candle Set
It won't take long to rid your
apartment of your beau with these stinking gems. Layered carefully with
more pleasant aromatics on top to keep your Valentine off guard and allow
you to escape, these candles will suddenly and unexpectedly fill the air
with the stench of steer manure, urine, decaying carcasses, sour milk and
the sewers of Shanghai. Lock the doors and windows for hilarious results!
SET of 2
$19.00
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Shrunken Head Boutique's
Ye Olde Maneating Plant
When you want to "reach out"
to your one-and-only in a final way, just have the Shrunken Head Boutique's
unique Maneating Plant delivered. They'll simply scream when the tentacles
of this innocuous looking houseplant "reach out" to envelop what it
thinks is another rambunctious yet doomed snack but what you know
is your proverbial key to freedom! No muss, no fuss, no cleanup required!
PLANT & DELIVERY DRIVER
INSURANCE
$129.95
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Kaboomotec's
Exploding
Alarm Clock
Here's a post-Valentine's Day
surprise your honey will never forget - at least for the few seconds that
Kaboomotec's Exploding Clock flashes a terse "BYE" before it detonates,
instantly reducing everything within twenty yards to smoldering cinders.
Reasonably priced for one time use, it's a blast that'll put that special
someone into your past!
ARMED & READY
$12.99
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Mr. Morbid's
Human Ashes
Urn 'n Casket
Sometimes those little hints
about how you feel for your Valentine can be just as powerful as your
actions, and Mr. Morbid's Urn 'n Casket combo couldn't be a more powerful
hint! The urn will double as a champagne chiller once you dump those useless
ashes into the toilet, and the casket should fetch a handsome return on
Ebay. A stunning combo! Extra charge for optional cremation.
URN 'N CASKET
$299.99
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House of Headstones'
Killer Pricker
Rose Bouquet
Order a dozen of these colorful
roses for your Significant O, with their thorn-laden extra long stems,
and that O is sure to become much less significant. Bred especially
to boast more thorns per stem inch, and loaded with a nerve-numbing chemical,
these flowers, when handled by your love, will almost guarantee you'll
be able to re-use the charming bouquet at the cemetery!
In red or suggestive black.
DOZ. KILLER PRICKERS
$57.89
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Aunt Novacaine's
Tooth Buster
Concrete & Marble Cookies
The laughs won't stop when your
Valentine chomps down on an Aunt Novacaine's Concrete and Marble cookie.
Soft and appealing enough to look irresistible, yet lethal enough to reduce
teeth to craggy, chipped stumps, these cookies will give you a precious
Valentine moment when your dear strikes a painful, hillbilly-like tearful
grin. So effective they come with a whisk broom for sweeping up fragments!
1 BOX COOKIES
$15.00
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